Chocobo Chaos
by Duck190
Summary: “… Imagine how you’d feel if someone wanted to eat you.” “Well, suppose that’s a good thing I’m not a chocobo,” Cloud replied flippantly.


**Disclaimer:** This story is based on the characters of Final Fantasy 7, which I don't own of course. Meaning...don't sue me!

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.:!|!:.

It was a bright, lovely morning…

"You know what?" Cloud interrupted the moment of tranquility.

Tifa half-heartedly answered, "Yeah, Cloud?"

"I think I'm going to have chocobo for dinner."

"WHAT! You can't do that! They're too cute!" Tifa pouted and she placed on that annoying 'puppy-eyes', "… Imagine how _you'd_ feel if someone wanted to eat you."

"Well, suppose that's a good thing I'm not a chocobo," Cloud replied flippantly.

"Cloud…"

The blonde remained clueless to his impending doom, "What?"

"…you'll regret saying that."

He paused at her quiet voice, but then shrugged of the slight shiver down his spine, "…whatever."

…

So on the very next delivery on Cloud's trusty bike, karma made it so that he had to hit a chocobo. The damn thing came out of nowhere and charged at _him_. Not his fault, not at all. Yup, not his fault, it can just lie there all dead and bleeding and….fine, he'll help the damn thing. Stupid chocobos.

"Oi, you better keep still while I wrap your wing, if not…I'll be keeping it for dinner. I'm _warning_ you…" Cloud grumpily shooed a clawed foot from scratching his eyes out, glaring daggers at the half-buried, half-covered-by-a-bush chocobo sign. Stupid chocobos.

He turned his full attention back to the job at hand, "Geez, even _I_ could do a better job than you."

_Be careful of what you wish for…_

"What the…? I didn't wish anything!" Lighting struck and thunder sounded. "Hey, hey! I didn't wish anything! Oi, I'm innocent-"

Ka-_ching_

'Ergh, stupid chocobos, where am I?'

He brought his right hand up to rub his eyes. The skin of his face felt something…fluffy….and soft. Cloud woke up immediately, wide-eyed and…

a…

…chocobo.

"Qwark?!"

_Ring…ring…_

Cloud's phone vibrated from under his belly. Determined, he quickly located the little device and tried to answer it.

_Flick_, missed, _flick_, wrong button, _flick_. Damn feathers… Angrily Cloud resorted to using his new beak to peak the living beeping out of the technology piece.

_Click._

"Cloud?"

'Tifa!' Instead it came out as, "Qwark!"

"Cloud!"

"Qwark, qwaark!" Joyous pecking.

"You better not even lay a finger on any chocobo…"

_'No, no, Tifa! Try to understand me!'_ "Qwaark, wark, wark!"

"That's it, Cloud, I'm coming out there to knock some sense into you!"

"Qwark!" _'Fine!'_ At least then she'll see the problem and could help get Cloud out of the situation.

'…'

Wait…she'd see the situation. Huh.

"Qwark, qwark!" Knowing Tifa nowadays, she'd be more likely to take pictures and coo at him! Not happening. Uh-ah. Cloud, twice saviour of the world, should be able to take care of a minor problem like this…now, to get his swords from the motorcycle.

_Flick_, missed, _flick_, missed again.

'…'

Damn these chocobos feathers! He couldn't open the bike compartment at all! His poor swords…

A soft thump on the ground pulled Cloud from his thoughts and he looked up.

_Shiva_…is there Sephiroth ?! He walked towards Cloud's motorcycle and drummed his fingers along the seat.

"You're not here," he stated out loud, minutely frowning. Those famous piercing eyes then zoomed in on Cloud. "Chocobo."

_'Ah shit.'_

"You will be my ride."

_'Ah dammit.'_

.:!|!:.

"Hey, Sephiroth 's back!" A tall silver-haired man roared over his shoulder before turning back and spoke in a lower voice, "Welcome back."

"Hn." Sephiroth fluidly got off his chocobo, remembering to keep a firm grip on the creature before it bolted off.

People and animals alike usually cowered before him, but this particular chocobo…there wasn't fear…more like hatred. A loathing that would lead the feathered thing to its death if it tried to kill the mighty ex-General…well, continue to anyway. The chocobo had already attempted murder. However, it was smart enough to know that running away would be the better option…not that Sephiroth would allow that choice. Fast chocobos, like this one, were rare finds.

Yazoo approached the yellow creature, "Hey, what's with the chocobo?"

"It was near Cloud's motorcycle."

Another voice cried out, "Cloud? Where? …the chocobo?"

Cloud-the-chocobo glared at Kadaj, _'Something about my hair?'_ "Wark, wark!"

"There are a few similarities…but Cloud is hardly a chocobo, Kadaj," said Loz, tilting his head to look at the chocobo from another angle.

Kadaj replied, "No, not 'a chocobo'…_'this_ chocobo'. He reminds me of Cloud, can't blame me for the mistake."

Loz and Yazoo stared levelly back at the youngest silver-haired man.

Kadaj sniffed, "Well, it's a feeling." He then proceeded to critically observe and poke the yellow creature.

Sephiroth had long gone when he decided the situation would be sufficient to keep the chocobo. The other men were finally turning back to their previous engagement when Kadaj interrupted them, "It even acts like Cloud! It'll peck your eyes out if you call it cute, hey cutie…_whoah_."

"Serves you right, idiot," Yazoo rolled his eyes.

"Hehe, just testing." But Kadaj looked pleased.

.:!|!:.

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Thanks for reading this story, please review...especially if you'd like to read more.


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